I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
