Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
