I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
