great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
