once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
