what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
