He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
