She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
