Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
