All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize