you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
