Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
