people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
