how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
