Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
