Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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