He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
