Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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