Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want nice things and good sex
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
