remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
