he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
