Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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