if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sorry about my life...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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