i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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