she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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