As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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