Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize