Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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