did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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