and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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