so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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