She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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