I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
