Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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