My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
