____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize