If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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