She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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