I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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