I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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