The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Michael Bay diarrhea
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
