Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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