so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
