Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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