glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
