Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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