Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
