when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize