$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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