4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
