Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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