the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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