remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i wish my penis had a tongue
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
