why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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