the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
