Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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