The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
