Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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