And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
