Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
