I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
