the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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