I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
