is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
